All Apologies
by ShardsOfResonance
Summary: At Kin's dying moment, she reflects on her life.


**All Apologies**

I laid, my eyes bloodshot from her tears, staring at the now unmoving body of Zaku, facing me, his eyes empty, gone into the void. I knew that I would was next, that my fate was sealed by Izanami, and I would never again be able to see the light of the sun, hear chirping of birds, or smell the scent of the rice of Otogakure. I knew my life was over, and I had nothing left to do but review my thoughts, and these thoughts spoke volumes of myself, more than any documents could.

I may not have chosen to be born in the Sound, but I was. I may not have chosen to act in a life of evil, but that is what I have become. I had dreams once, dreams that maybe, just maybe, I could be a great ninja. I could have pleased Orochimaru-Sama, and become a great team with Dosu and Zaku, but I was oblivious to his true plans. And yet, despite my experience of betrayal, I only felt sorrow for my own actions, and everything I had caused. I felt, maybe if I was never born, that maybe Zaku and Dosu would have lived. I pushed these thoughts out as the snake came to me. As I tried to look away, fear beset in my eyes, he roughly grabbed my head, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

"Sad, isn't it Kin-Chan?" Orochimaru-Sama taunted, a sepantine smirk laying on his face. "That who you trusted most is the one to betray you… Although think of it this way… Your body will be that of the First Hokage. So, in a way, you did become powerful, did you not?" I visibly shook at this, knowing I looked pathetic, but I cried, eyes filled with regret. "Not this way! I wanted to obtain it myself, and keep my soul, not forced through the scope of someone else! I want to have my humanity! Why do you do this?" He chuckled, shaking his head at my apparently idiotic question. "Foolish, foolish little girl, aren't you? Power. I want to have power, and you... You fulfilled the role you needed to. A king needs his pawns, does he not?" Lifting up his syringe, he smirked. "And pawns need to be sacrificed!"

I sobbed, unable to speak anymore, and melancholic thoughts raced through my head in my last few seconds before the syringe would push into her veins, and inject the poison to end my life. These thoughts were all apologies, unable to take the remorse of what I felt I had did.

I was sorry to Orochimaru, for not being a good enough ninja to be worth keeping. Perhaps if I was stronger, I could have lived, and maybe, just maybe, make a slight mark on Orochi's mind for the better, however foolish it sounds.

I was sorry to Dosu and Zaku, for getting them caught in this mess. Perhaps if I wasn't so gullible in the first place, they would have lived. They could be happy, and we all could have lived long lives, and continued the few good times we had.

I was sorry to the village of Konoha, for the damage I was about to cause as Hashirama. People's lives would be ruined or ended for my own weakness. If I hadn't failed, they would have kept much happier lives.

I was sorry to the Genin of Konoha I had fought. The raven haired kid would now be a tool of Orochimaru-Sama, whether he wanted to or not. His team we had tried to murder, and I was blinded by loyalty to Orochimaru-Sama to hesitate. The pineapple haired kid, I had also tried to murder, and turn into a pincushion. I had failed my conscious.

I was sorry to my family, despite having never met them. I hope desperately they are alive, and happy, but even so, they could have had a daughter, or another one, one who could help them at the market, one who could have drawn for them, and make them smile, one who could have done something positive. They will never have had, and never will.

I was sorry to the Ninja of Oto that were now stuck with Orochimaru-Sama. They would die one after one, all for a cause of evil, one of treachery, and they would be kept from knowing of it. Despite not always being the kindest, they were like a family to her, and I felt like I belonged.

Most of all, I was sorry for myself. I cheated myself out of a chance at a normal life. Maybe one second more before my soul would be put into creation, and I could have been born in a different body. I could have been a bird, and fly away from the war and bloodshed. I could have been a flower, be beautiful rather than the ugly mess I am. I could have been a rabbit, a pure soul rather than one born sick and twisted. But I was born horribly, and I have no one to blame but myself.

As the syringe pierced her skin, injecting its toxins into my bloodstream, I prayed one final prayer to Gods I didn't know existed. I prayed that Orochimaru-Sama would fail, and he would know what it is like to be betrayed. I prayed that I could be taken, and that Zaku and Dosu could be spared instead. I prayed that the invasion would fell, and Konoha would be spared. I prayed that the Genin would go on to live great, and happy lives. I prayed that my family was alive, and happy without me. I prayed that her comrades would wise up, and in turn rise up to their oppression. And as light filled my eyes, I prayed that the gods would have mercy on me, and recognize that I was forced into this life. As I lived my final second, I smiled, feeling that my prayers would be answered.


End file.
